Monday 29th 2021
Today’s post is more of a diary entry from me you to. I journal everyday, mainly about how my day has gone, what I struggled with and I always end on what I’m grateful for. I never used to appreciate everything I have and everything I have access to. But now I take time out of my day to make it my main focus. My journal entry today is about fear. I hope by the end you can see that fear is just a stepping stone to achieve something amazing within yourself.
One thing I have always been scared about (and still am by the way) is taking pictures of myself and posting them on social media. I try to avoid it as much as possible. The main reason is I’m scared of being judged about how I look. Even worse for me is putting a video of myself online. The thought of this sends my anxiety through the roof. But over this last week I’ve been trying to talk myself into doing it. Only something small like uploading a video on Instagram stories, speaking to everyone. I’ve talked myself out of it for a long time now. but on Friday as I was out on a walk, I was listening to a podcast hosted by Gary Vaynerchuck. If you haven’t heard of him I seriously recommend you following him online, this guy posts ridiculous amounts of free content, and draws millions of people in from all over the world and he said something along the lines of ‘are you so insecure and concerned about judgment that it stops you from making content.’
When I heard him say that, I just thought I’m causing the fear for myself, it’s not down to anyone else, it’s me. I’m the one putting up barriers and not opening them to share myself with the world.
That’s when I thought, I need to stop standing in my own way. I took the steps to start this blog. I was scared of starting it, I thought people don’t want to hear about me, what’s so special about me?
But I realised back then that I don’t care what people thing, this is something I want to do, so I did it.
It’s almost been a year since I started this blog, before it seemed so scary but I dealt with my fear and look at where I am now. I write these blog posts like no one is reading. I write them with ease and most importantly with happiness.
So why am I going to stop myself now I’ve come across another fear, I’ve done it once before so I’ll do it again.
So on Saturday 26th March, on my walk I thought I’m just going to post a video on Instagram, just of me talking even if it’s for 10 seconds, I just need to get over the first hurdle and once I’m past that I know I’ll have build up so much more confidence I’ll be able to jump the next 10.
So I got my phone out and started recording. I won’t lie it didn’t go well, I actually recorded myself 5 times before I thought stop trying to make it perfect, it’s never going to be perfect. As long as I’m myself then that’s all I can ask for.
So I uploaded it, and left it and got on with my day, few hours passed and then I stopped to think, wow, you’ve talked yourself out of this for so long and it’s done and it’s not scary anymore. I overcame my second social media fear and I’m fine. We always build things up in our head for so long until we class them as a fear of doing something but the real fear is battling with yourself. Winning that battle and moving forward and winning the war.
If you’re scared it’s understandable but learn from my mistakes and from so many others, if you want to do something just go and fucking do it. Don’t hold yourself back. If you do you’ll always wonder what could have been.
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‘Each of us must confront our own fears, must come face to face with them. How we handle our fears will determine where we go with the rest of our lives. To experience adventure or to be limited by the fear of it.’Judy Blume
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