The ‘C’ Word

That’s right…Confidence. That’s what you were thinking right?

Confidence is a big thing for me as I’m sure it is for the majority of people. You see a lot on social media, everyone showing off their amazing bodies and huge smiles. But not everything you can see reflects what that person is going through mentally, unless you follow some amazing people who are very open about it.

I have always lacked in self confidence, even if sometimes I haven’t shown it. Believe me inside there are so many negative thoughts going through my head. My lack of confidence has always come from my physical appearance. I have had a lot of dark thoughts about the way I look. How I feel when I look in the mirror. Wishing I could be prettier or slimmer, but I never came up with a solution. But rather than letting it take over my life, I had to learn to better my confidence, rather than sinking in my sadness and it’s all about taking small steps to help yourself, because you may receive support from others. But there’s only one person that can help and that’s you.

First steps
I started off by breaking down area’s I was unhappy with and finding solutions to make me feel good about myself. One of those areas for me was hair. I have struggled a lot with it. Going through secondary school with a lot of facial hair was tough for me. I remember once I got so fed up I shaved a small section off my chin and for some reason I didn’t do the rest. So I went to school, hoping no one would notice, but someone made fun of me. I should have been expecting it, I had a patch of missing hair on my face, I looked ridiculous. But at that moment I knew that I needed to change this to make me happier. So when I was a bit older and out of school, I decided to get laser hair removal. It was painful don’t get me wrong, but I laid there during one of my sessions and just cried. This was something that had made me sad for so long and now I was finally taking action. I cried my eyes out not because of how painful it was physically, but how happy this was already making me. My confidence sky rocketed after I had my treatments done, the relief and pure happiness I got from looking in the mirror and not seeing hair on my face helped my confidence so much!

It was only then I really understood, if I continued to make small changes I would continue to give myself more confidence and make me happier and that is all that mattered.

Transforming my body
I hated the gym, I mean really hated it. I used to go to a leisure center, walk on a treadmill, move about on a cross trainer and go home and just eat. It was so boring! I just went for the sake of going. I did this routine for a while, going doing nothing, hating every second and then going home and trying to forget about ever going back. Until I was introduced to weight lifting. I went to a gym session with my cousin and he showed me what weight lifting was, I finished the session and I loved it! I felt like I finally could enjoy working out. So I went along next time and then again and again and I was hooked. I saw my weight drop off, I checked myself out in the mirror for the first time. I never thought I could enjoy training. I wanted to push harder, lift heavier and see where I could end up. I went from a size 14 to a 8! Don’t get me wrong it still took time and the main element of it was eating right but I had never been a size 8!
I still love weight lifting, I’ve had my ups and downs with it, (which I will discuss more soon) but this was a healthy habit that would stick around and it was another thing that boosted my confidence way more than I ever thought it would. This was just another reminder to myself that I am the one responsible for my happiness and my confidence.
From there my list started to grow, but it doesn’t matter how long that list is as long as each bit checked off means more confidence in yourself.

Next was to save up my money and get more laser done on my body hair. (you know like legs, underarms that kind of thing). After getting my waxing done every 3 weeks to only have it grow back quicker and thicker (I’m a poet and I didn’t know it….Sorry) I decided enough was enough. I worked hard and saved up my money and as I’m writing this I’ve had a few sessions of laser already and the joy it brings me I just can’t fully put it into words.

So my advice for anyone lacking in confidence. Start small. Write a list of things that would make you happy, and start taking steps to bring you closer to that goal. When you start to believe in yourself anything is possible!

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‘When you have confidence, you can have a lot of fun. And when you have fun, you can do amazing things.’

Joe Namath